times a’changin’

So manyy changes. I’m surprised my head hasn’t exploded yet.

I went for my weekly check up with Dr Green today. I’ve got the rest of the week off to do some soul searching. Over the course of my weekend just gone I was looking online for other jobs. I quickly realised I was looking in the childcare field.

I haven’t been back to my old job since I started at the health fund and I feel a slight sense of loss. One reason why I left childcare, apart from it being rather stressful and un-bearable at the time, is because all my life I have been around kids. Taking care of them, etc. Everyone expected me to stay in childcare and excel. I wanted to prove I did more than that. I think I wasn’t getting a sense of fullfilment.

I want to work with kids again. I love kids. Yeah it’s stressful. But it’s pretty rewarding too. Having children recognise you.. and miss you. It’s wonderful! If I can make one difference in a childs life.. and it be a long lasting difference then I’ve done a great job.

I want to make a difference. I don’t want to be a voicce at the end of the phone. I want that interaction with growing minds. I want to provide a great environment and a challenging one.

I have to take time this week to really organise and sort out where I want to be and what direction to go in. But I think I already know where my heart lies..

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scars

I’ve been a little slack recently. I want to update a little more often, especially since there are quite a few things happening in my life at the moment.

I quit my old job. Kind of had a mental breakdown upon starting a new job and now I’m back on medication.

The other morning while I was on the bus to work, I was bopping to my Ipod when I randomly looked down and saw a little scar on my arm. It’s the tiniest scar, but I have no idea where it came from. I guess I’ve had it for years and years. I’ve got other random scars, a fairly big one of my shin. No idea where it came from, either.

It got me thinking.. how many internal scars do I have, lurking around in my subconcious, waiting to explode? This is rather relevant these days because I’ll be starting therapy soon. Those internal scars are about to come barreling out in all their glory.

One step at a time I’ll go, swimming through 24years worth of scarring… but at the end of it, a rather large habit will be changed.

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